(k)no(w) where to sit

I never knew where to sit. Every lunch period of every day of every year at school. I was liked by others, I think, or maybe more so tolerated. I’ll never know fully I suppose. All I remember is peering into the large cafeteria in the middle of the entrance with its heavy doors and push bars wondering and posing the internal question…”where do I sit?”

I was never hated in school, that I know of, but it doesn’t seem like I was much liked either. No enemy but no real friends. Maybe others felt ambivalence towards me. The one friend I did know in school never had the same lunch period as me but I knew his other friends wouldn’t have me at their table. So I either sat at the “nerd” table or the table my other friend from Lebanon sat at. Moe was his name. He was the only one who knew me there. I mean it was fine sitting there eating my paper bag lunch next to those who paid using a paper ticket while across the divide there was those eating the delectable round personal pizzas and sub-par cheesesteaks with french fries dipped in the ever so orange-colored ketchup & mayo combo.

It was awkward now knowing where to sit. Not sure if I “felt” rejected though now I know I was. You see, outright rejection is bad but there’s a certain sting when rejected not outrightly but knowing no one cared about you. Cared enough to offer the vacant stool or bench space next to them. I mean it’s school. Ignorant, self-absorption laced with a snub. Should I have expected better? Meh.

But it carried into every day life. Even before public school, when I was homeschooled, there was a girl who I played soccer with in the local community league. We also went to the same soccer camp during the summer…we even carpooled together. Then it was 8th grade and I was put in public school and she went to the same school and guess what…I was met with ambivalence. Not outright rejection but the subtle nagging rejection that creeps up to you when you were looking the other way. I’m pretty sure I remember that hurting.

Even today in adulthood where you’d think things would be different. But it’s not. Now I must confess I’m very introverted so I usually don’t go out of my way either to offer others friendship or simply the emptiness besides me. Maybe the emptiness beside me was from the emptiness inside me? I recall oftentimes where maybe a church gathering occurred or there were open seating for a group discussion or a potluck meal and I would usually sit at an empty circle. Secretly waiting inside me to see if anyone wanted to sit with me and sometime people did but usually they stuck with who they knew and sat with them. I remember the one time I did similar and the pastor of the church saw how no one sat at my table and mentioned it to me. He wasn’t too happy about how it went down.

But one day at a men’s retreat something happened…and is still happening. During a quiet time I saw myself in my mind’s eye in the entry way of my high school cafeteria carrying the baggage which was my question, “Who can I sit with?” With those heavy doors propped open and a full cafeteria I saw a wave. The kind of wave you make when you are picking someone out of the crowd to let them know where you are. The kind of wave that beckons. The kind of wave that shouts, “Hey I’m over here!” meaning I want you here too. That’s the kind of wave I saw. So I saw it and walked over, passing the ambivalence. Passing the lack of turned head. Passed the lack of friendship. Passed the rejection. Passed the lack of everything everyone in school wanted. And into a place prepared for me. An empty space. An empty space not vacant for anyone but reserved for a someone. A place at the head of the table. A place of honor. A place where everyone who is there knows you. And who waved me over? None other than Jesus. And what He told me, broke me.

He said, “You’ll always have a place at my table.”

 

Copyright by Jordan Gresczyk 5/7/2018

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A Name Is To Be Desired

What’s in a name? Everything!

Proverbs 22:1 says,

A good name is to be more desired than great wealth, Favor is better than silver and gold.

Ecclesiastes 7:1a says

A good name is better than fine perfume…

I recently thought of the saying “_____, it’s my middle name.” You know the saying people say, “You’re dangerous!” And the reply, “Danger is my middle name.” You can put in whatever thing or name you want in there.

So I looked up my middle name to see what it means and this came up: free man. But a couple of sites had their little spiel about what they believe the name means. This is what they said,

People with this name have a deep inner desire to use their abilities in leadership, and to have personal independence. They would rather focus on large, important issues, and delegate the details.

People with this name are excellent at analyzing, understanding, and learning. They tend to be mystics, philosophers, scholars, and teachers. Because they live so much in the mind, they tend to be quiet and introspective, and are usually introverts. When presented with issues, they will see the larger picture. Their solitary thoughtfulness and analysis of people and world events may make them seem aloof, and sometimes even melancholy.

The latter paragraph is me to a T…or whatever the saying is. Names means a lot. Some people are named by their parents while others are named by Facebook polls. Some ask God what to name their children. Then there are times where God changes the name given to them by their parents. But why would He change their name?

Abram to Abraham

Sarai to Sarah

Jacob to Israel

Naomi wants it to change to Mara

Simon to Peter

Some had different names for the culture they were in,

Joseph to Zaphenath-Paneah

Daniel to Belteshazzar

Hananiah to Shadrach

Mishael to Meshach

Azariah to Abednego

Hadassah to Esther

Saul to Paul

Back then, names meant something. These days we name people for coolness factor, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I believe names carry something in the spirit. A name has authority. A name has power. God changes names because He wants them to carry something they didn’t know they could carry before. No one knew they would carry it so God had to change their name. They needed something to carry it. They needed a name that others could look at and realize God’s fingerprint.

Look at Jabez. His name meant sorrow. But I believe God totally redeemed that name and that person. His prayer (see 1 Chron. 4:10) is one of the most popular prayer today. There are whole books on it. Sometimes a name carries a stereotype. “Oh look at Mr. Smith. I know another Smith in town who is related. Got to watch out for those Smiths.” Sometimes you are called to break the pattern of a name.

We can also be called names. Bad names. A popular rhyme we say is, “Sticks and stone may break my phone but words will never hurt me.” Wrong! I’ve been called names and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. Names carry something. Isaiah 65:15 says something interesting

You will leave your name for a curse to My chosen ones, And the Lord GOD will slay you. But My servants will be called by another name.

Isaiah 48:9 says

For the sake of My name I delay My wrath, And for My praise I restrain it for you, In order not to cut you off.

Name is Hebrew is shem which means name, reputation, fame, glory, memorial, and monument. Greek for name is onoma which means everything which the name covers, everything the thought or feeling of which is aroused in the mind by mentioning, hearing, remembering, the name, i.e. for one’s rank, authority, interests, pleasure, command, excellencies, deeds etc.

We use our name to make covenants with people. We use our name to sign things and agree to terms. Our future is determined by the fact that our name is written in a book (see Luke 10:20). In our western thought, names are but something on a birth certificate. But in the Hebrew mindset names are everything. It denotes calling or past. It indicates situations or outcomes.

What does  your name mean? How have you used your name? How have others used it? What names have you been called? How has a name labeled you? How has a name defiled you? How has a name influenced you? How has a name confused you or others around you? When have you been called by the wrong name? When has your name been confused with another name?

I’m pondering, as I’m typing, about the possibility of blessings and curses attached the names we have been given. Is there a blessing that comes with a name? Is there a curse or defilement? Obviously when someone labels us or calls us a bad name then, yes, there is defilement. That can be broken off easily by simply saying this

I reject all names I have been labeled with and called by. I do not receive them, nor the spirits attached. I call those name null and void and command all labels and names to fall to the ground and turn to dust. I pray for the anointing of the Holy Spirit to be smeared all over me and that all things spoken over me, not of God, would bead off and have no affect. I receive blessings and God’s labels and names over my life in Jesus’ name!

I want a good name in my life. I want my name to be an inheritance, to leave an inheritance. I want God to guard my name. I want my name to point to His Name! I want my name influenced and possessed by His Name. I want my name cleansed of all defilement and ungodly labels. I want His Name to rule over my name. I desire a good name. I want a name better than the choicest of perfumes. I want a name that cherishes other names and calls those names into blessings. I want His name for me. And I can’t wait for that stone with my new name (see Rev. 2:17 , Isaiah 62:2). I embrace my name.

Do you embrace His name over you? Do you know His name over you? Ask Him and He will give it in His timing. I waited and got it. He said my name means and is Possessor, and that is what I will do. I will possess all He has for me by saying “Yes!” to Him. He will work on me when I say “no” because He is faithful. I choose the good report and that the land is for the taking. As the river Jordan was held back to Adam (see Joshua 3:16) so I pray all things holding us back will be held back to Adam…the first Adam.

 

 

 

Blessing Your Spirit – The Fragrance of God

2 Corinthians 2:14-17 says

In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. But those on the way to destruction treat us more like the stench from a rotting corpse. This is a terrific responsibility. Is anyone competent to take it on? No—but at least we don’t take God’s Word, water it down, and then take it to the streets to sell it cheap. We stand in Christ’s presence when we speak; God looks us in the face. We get what we say straight from God and say it as honestly as we can.

Greek for sweet scent or fragrance is osmē which means a smell or odor diffused and euōdia which means a sweet smell, fragrance. So we are a sweet-smelling fragrance God diffuses among this world and goes up to God and rising to His satisfaction.

We, as believers, are a walking fragrance designed to diffuse His Presence to those around us. We are a sweet-smelling perfume, poured out, diffused to those around to awaken the spiritual senses of people.

Spirit of _____ I call you to attention in the name of Jesus Christ. Rise up and take dominion over the soul and body. Receive what the Scripture has to say over you today, “Everywhere you go, people breath in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, you give off a sweet scent rising to God.” I call forth that sweet-smelling perfume that you carry. Come forth and diffuse to those around to experience the Father in all that He is. Bring life to those things that need life and bring death to those things that need to die. Your worship, being poured out upon the feet of Jesus, is a vehicle in which the Holy Spirit travels to others. Know what is right in the soul and body and bring all into alignment.

______ you are blessed and highly favored of the Lord. Your life rising up to God and enters his nose and He loves it. He cherishes your particular fragrance. You offer a sweet odor that is particular to you and I bless that in you. I bless you with keeping that fragrance going. Like a lamp constantly being filled, I bless you as an alabaster box being filled and broken, filled and broken. Fragrance comes from oil in biblical times. I bless the anointing in your life that brings fragrance. I bless the anointing, the fragrance you have received from the Holy One.

Spirit of _____ you are a sweet smelling fragrance and I bless you in that. You are life-giving. You are salt. You are light. I bless you in the name of Jesus the Christ, the Messiah.

One of my recurring dreams

I’ve had this dream or a version of this dream for almost 10 years now. Sometimes I think I know what it means but most of the time I don’t. I had one version where I thought I would get them anymore but I still did. A short preface to these dream is that they take place at the first restaurant I worked at in the town where I spent most of my childhood years. I’ve had the dream at another restaurant I worked at when I moved to another state. Both were Steak & Seafood places and both have since gone out business but that is neither here nor there…or maybe it is. The dream this morning was this:

I am waiting tables at this restaurant I used to work at when I was ages 16-19. This time I was just starting and didn’t have a full section to wait on but was in training from what I could gather. I acted and felt like I was gone for some time from the restaurant but came back to work there. There were some of the same people working there especially in the kitchen. I had my first table and I was suppose to bring them to the particular table number but, being as I havn’t worked there for awhile I wasn’t sure where it was(this section wasn’t used much so I had to look at the seating plan but the rest of the place I knew the seating plan). By the time I found the table I knew the customers left the restaurant. Also in the dream that same room which wasn’t used much had a fair amount of people in there then it cut to a scene where all the people had to leave because there was a stack of 12 pack boxes of soda cans stacked and partially fallen over and leaking.

Now most of my dreams have the same type of stuff happening. I’m waiting tables and my food is burnt, cold, not ready, can’t find the table, customer’s left etc. Sometime I forget my PIN number to log into the POS(Point of Sale system) Nothing goes right. The one dream I had that I though was the resolution to them all was when they restaurant closed down and I was with my earthly dad. The only thing I can ascertain is “waiting” means waiting on the Lord and my frustration in the dream is being frustrated waiting for Him to do something in my life?? Anyone good as interpreting dreams? I’ve read books and most people say they same things like “this number means this” or “that means that” but I also know that dream interpretation is very different and what one thing means for one person can means a completely different thing for another. I would love the interpretation but I will wait in the question with Jesus and rest till it comes 🙂

I know all the Scriptures about dreams and what they are and what they are not. I would prefer visions as they are more literal in nature. Come to think of it I remember a prophetic word I received that I have and will have a relationship with the Lord even in my sleep. I’ve been accused of holding my hands up in worship during sleeping and talking/mumbling often too. Couple nights ago I had a dream in between the time of 6:40ish am when i woke up and fell back asleep and awoke to my alarm 7:00am.

 

Dream Long

I was in a meeting a couple weeks ago and the speaker was a Pastor’s son from India. As usual, he spoke on what the ministry in India is doing and wants to do etc. The usual missionary type sharing from a pulpit. But something really jumped out at me. His father, during a sermon, was speaking on dreaming. He said, “Many can dream big, but few dream long.” Few dream long.

I need to dream long.

Based on previous blogs I spoke on Presence and Promise and how Presence is key to open Promise. Dreaming long is the same thing. I know for me to dream big is emotional suicide but to dream long is sustained expectancy. I can dream the biggest dreams and despite my doubt or unbelief I continue to dream big…but now I know I need to dream long.

Who knows when a big dream will manifest? Where it will? How it will?

Living in the journey with God is so important. Dreaming big but dreaming long. I’m learning to trust Him for the outcome. I’m learning that living in expectancy is better then living with expectations. Expectancy is choosing to live in the moment with faith in a secure future. Expectancy is dreaming long while enjoying the journey.

How many of us stop to smell the roses, if I may use that term we’ve all heard? Dreaming long and living in expectancy forces us to walk with God and not run ahead of Him. Great quote about dreaming from one of the Wright brothers.

I got more thrill out of flying before I had ever been in the air at all – while lying in bed thinking how exciting it would be to fly. – Orville Wright

They dreamed big and learned to dream long. Dreams are but the desires of your heart. “Everything that you will ask in prayer and believe, you will receive.” – Matthew 21:22

I confess that in 1901, I said to my brother Orville that man would not fly for fifty years. . . . Ever since, I have distrusted myself and avoided all predictions. –  Wilbur Wright

It is not really necessary to look too far into the future; we see enough already to be certain it will be magnificent. Only let us hurry and open the roads. – Wilbur Wright

Dream big, saints and dream long! Live in the expectancy of today! Believe you will receive! May God grant to us the desires of our hearts!