Joy

Learned Helplessness: Signs and Freedom

Disclaimer: I’m neither a psychologist nor trained in mental health whatsoever. However, I do read a lot of books, articles, studies, teachings, ideas, etc about mental health and the people who suffer from mental health issues. My heart goes out to them. If it were one people group who I would love to see most set free, healed, and delivered it would be those who suffer with mental illness. History has shown that patients with mental illness have had atrocious things done to them and I am horrified about it. Thankfully science, psychologists, and revelation has increased and brought much growth, understanding, and tools to bring freedom, healing, and deliverance to those precious people suffering under the weight mental illness.

 

This blog is a continuation of sorts from my last blog, Learned Helplessness. I was spurred on to creating a continuation with more examples, causes, and tools for healing. I hope this helps bring comfort, healing, deliverance, and ultimately a fuller experience of our Heavenly Father and your worth to him and others. God wants us whole spirit, soul, and body.

Watch this:

Potential Causes of Learned Helplessness

  • SRA/RA (Satanic Ritual Abuse/Ritual Abuse-Christian or non-Christian) – This usually occurs as a child and consists of persistent religious, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse
  • PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Futility – doing things over and over and never resulting in anything and things designed to keep someone busy yet stuck in one place
  • Extreme Stress – Death of love one(s), losing a job and unable to find another, debilitating illness, etc etc
  • Prolonged Stress – Constant abuse, horrible home life, horrible work life, doing something you’re not designed for, etc etc
  • Self-Pity – I am not ____. I will never be able to _____. (fill in the blanks)
  • Rejection – Perceived (speculation) and Actual (opposite sex ended relationship, opposite said “no” to going out with you etc)
  • Lack of Control – always being pushed around, have decisions made for you, and never being able to think or act for yourself either due to oppression or lack of resources
  • Non-Constructive Criticism – Critical words that bring to aspect of building up or encouragement despite areas of weakness
  • Trauma – Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Car Accidents, Loss of loved one(s), etc
  • Failing Marriage – a marriage where no matter what you do to save it, pour life into it, or revitalize it the spouse refuses to change
  • Addiction – addictions either wanted or unwanted, wanting to be free yet never able to
  • Literal Imprisonment – includes those guilty and not guilty yet imprisoned and also those released from extended incarceration
  • Government Assistance – this one is controversial however please hear me out. This is not a political or economic issue but a mindset issue. When an able-bodied person is dependent upon government assistance like food stamps, Section 8, Welfare, and the like it binds people. Some are helpless now that they are in the system and are unable to succeed even slightly because then their benefits will go away. In some areas government assistance is a generational thing where Grandparents, parents, children, and children’s children are all in the same place. To offer the other side there are many who are on government assistance who absolutely need it, and are due it. The issue is a poverty mindset and not just impoverished circumstances
  • Serving Two Masters – this is shown oftentimes in unions. A worker will have a union boss and the job boss and they have to please both at the same time and it become a helpless situation when one boss gives you contradictory orders compared to the other boss. It can come to a point where you could be out of a job regardless what you do. Also unions can force you not to work and if you choose to work anyway they will force you out and cause you to not be able to find work in the field again
  • Patriarchy – where women are held to a lower class, unable to excel in anything substantial, have no say in anything, demoralized, and a less-than citizen
  • Matriarchy – where men are held to a lower class, unable to excel in anything substantial, have no say in anything, demoralized, and a less-than citizen
  • No Parental Structure – This is a very complex issue with many variables. However, studies show that without a strong Father and Mother (and marriage) in the home, children succumb to what is modeled to them. Fatherless homes and Motherless homes each have unique issues that can carry on to the children.
  • Losing Your Voice – never being asked for your opinion, advice, and not acknowledging what you say
  • (place your own situation where you have learned helplessness and are unable to break free)

Potential Results of Learned Helplessness

  • PTSD
  • DID aka Multiple Personality Disorder
  • Clinical Depression
  • Suicidal Thoughts/Intentions
  • Degenerative Diseases
  • Heart Disease
  • Obesity
  • Heart Attack
  • Low Self-Esteem
  • Chronic Failure
  • Fear of Success
  • Feelings of Lack of Control
  • Sadness
  • Premature Aging
  • Poverty
  • Domestic Violence
  • Addictions
  • Poor Parenting
  • Marriage Issues
  • Academic Achievement
  • Self-Pity
  • Generational Fatherless (and sometimes Motherless) Homes
  • Panic Attacks
  • Mental Disorders
  • General Anxiety Disorders
  • Feelings of Being Out of Control
  • Never Able to Offer Your Opinion
  • Loss of Voice

Both lists could go on and on. You may have noticed that certain Causes and Results are interchangeable. I suppose it would all depend on the logistics of your life. Notice I used the word “potential.” I think that could be a crucial mindset to have in the midst of Learned Helplessness. Oftentimes, with the proper perspective, the things we go through can cause us to grow, seek God’s face more intentionally, and leave us less scathed. Not unscathed but less scathed.

If you have experienced these causes and results know that you are not alone. Millions if not Billions experience the same things. I personally have had about 20 or so of the above happen and let happen to me. It is not a fun road to travel on or be dragged on. You may have had many instances, whether outside of your control or self-induced, where you’ve experienced and learned helplessness…but there is hope. There is freedom. There is healing, There is deliverance. Not many quick fixes or physical deliverance but paradigm shifting and mindset renewing that can utterly revolutionize the pain you’re going through. Now that we’ve talked about and listed the junk let us gaze upon the beauty that Jesus paid for. As the Scripture says in Galatians 5:1,

In [this] freedom Christ has made us free [and completely liberated us]; stand fast then, and do not be hampered and held ensnared and submit again to a yoke of slavery [which you have once put off].

Healing and Wholeness

All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. – Romans 8:2-25 (MSG)

Such an apt description isn’t it? We know we are not what we should be yet in the midst we can press forward, unhindered with a mind fixed on Him.

Healing provides wholeness. Wholeness provides healing. God wants more than our healing. He wants wholeness and He will get what He wants! There is a slight paradox in the Scripture when we speak of healing, wholeness, difficulties, trials, fire, issues, redemption, salvation, adoption, grace, truth, correction, and love. There are two main types of pain in the world. Redemptive pain and destructive pain.

  • Redemptive Pain – is fueled by God and the mindset that He corrects whom He loves and He trains whom He trusts–which is you! Healing and wholeness for the whole person spirit, soul, and body
  • Destructive Pain – is fueled by satan to defeat, destroy, kill, maim, and obliterate God’s image on earth with the mindset designed to destroy a human’s spirit, soul, and body

I would highly suggest seeking the Lord either by yourself or preferably with another trusted believer to find out, based on the specifics of what you are dealing with, to see if the pain involved in redemptive or destructive. Destructive pain is much easier to figure out. Is what is happening producing the fruit of the Spirit and God’s glory or is it destructive in nature and diminishing God’s glory? Is there a redemptive quality where you would become a more whole person because of it. Redemptive pain is a little more tricky to ascertain.

In my previous post, Learned Helplessness, which you should really read because it gives much more explanation on the subject, I highlighted only one key aspect of healing and that was willingness. God’s willingness to heal which can break through learned Helplessness and for a person being willing to step into a person’s life to help bring healing and wholeness.

Potential Tools for Healing

  • Willingness – know that God is and will always be willing to heal, and to pray for a person to be willing to walk with you in the midst of Causes and Results. Also if you are a person who knows someone else with Learned Helplessness being willing to step into their pain and walk with them gingerly and Holy Spirit and human spirit led
  • Breaking Generational Sin/Curses/Covenants/Agreements – learned helplessness could very well be generational junk passed down and attached to you giving you a predisposition to walk in it. see Generational Deliverance
  • Releasing and Walking Through Generational Grief – also a passed down issue that, with the Lord, you can walk out of grief healthily
  • Releasing and Walking Through Unresolved Grief – grief that has been pushed aside, stuffed, denied, or buried
  • Breaking Word Curses – “You’ll never amount to anything”, “You’re just like your father”, “You’re just like your mother”, “Why do you even try anymore” are all word curses spoken over us and we speak them over us ourselves
  • Renouncing Inner Vows – see I’ll Never Do That Again
  • Breaking Soul/Spirit Ties – see Soul Ties – Legitimate or Illegitimate
  • Renewing the Mind – see Paradigm Shift
  • Worship – this opens up our spirit and soul to receive from the Lord in intimate ways
  • Choose Something to Do That You Have Control Over – whatever that looks like to you. “No” can be a very anointed word. I used to always say “Yes” and resented it. I started saying “No” and felt much more in control and my own person because of it
  • Live to God and For God –  see An Audience of One
  • Pick Up a Hobby – I love reading and writing. You may love the same or collecting things. Maybe knitting, Legos, building model planes, word puzzles, or jigsaw puzzles are more suitable to you. What would make you feel alive? Do that! Part of the 2nd commandment Jesus gave was to love our neighbor as ourselves. We need to love ourselves
  • Individuate – meaning to form into a distinct entity or become your own person. Individuation is a key childhood function and provides the backdrop of adulthood. Those who are unable to individuate as children still need to as adults. This usually occurs via “mid-life crisis.” If you’re married have time with your friends (guys night or ladies night). Do something apart from your spouse, siblings, or parents.
  • Nurture and Develop Your Spirit – this one is key. Blessing Your Spirit, Blessing Your Spirit Part 2, and Blessing Your Spirit Part 3 are great prayers to pray and have prayed towards you. My resources for this is Nurturing Your Spirit, Developing Your Spirit, and Blessing Your Spirit: Beloved Son (free) or Blessing Your Spirit: Precious Daughter (free)
  • For Those With PTSD and other Trauma Issues – see PTSD Healing
  • For Those with DID – see the above Nurture and Develop Your Spirit and also Tools for Freedom Parts I, II, III
  • Fight Futility – see Fighting Futility by Arthur Burk
  • Begin Building an Altar of His Goodness – what this means is replaying His goodness in your soul and spirit. What has He done for you in the past. Visit that and revisit that. Build a mindset of His goodness, faithfulness, and love. Neurological Scientist have found that the more times you recall a memory the more ingrained it become in your mind and the stronger the path to that memory. Philippians 4:8 is a great Scripture on what to think about
  • Submit to God then resist the devil – First submit to God. Confess you are a struggling and need help. His ears are always attentive to His beloved children. Resist the devil. Bind, renounce, rebuke. Spiritual warfare is good but if you can’t do it by yourself get someone else who can do with led by the Spirit
  • Receive – begin receiving from people. Where you have walked out in a little bit of false humility (“I don’t deserve it” “It’s all of Him and none of me” are common replies when someone wants to bless you), instead receive. If someone wants to pay for your meal, pray for you, clean your house, or whatever. I often joke that I am in the ministry of receiving because how can someone be blessed to give unless there is a receive  🙂
  • Laugh – I mean deep down belly laugh. Laugh with yourself. Laugh at yourself. Laugh with others. Take it easy. Stop being so serious.
  • God is For You – believe God is for you and not against you. see Mephibosheth
  • Simple Prayer – Father, father me. Amen see Why a Father?
  • Get Help – meet with a friend, talk to a trusted prayer minister or counselor. Get those Blessing Your Spirit resources for free
  • Do What Makes Your Spirit Come Alive – some love being around water, some silence, still other loves crowds. Maybe its walking your dog or swinging in the local park. Maybe it’s taking your camera outside and going on a picture-taking walk (my wife and I do this). Where do you feel alive?

A couple of prayers from my previous post:

For your soul:

Father, yes, you are a father despite my experiences that try to tell me otherwise. I have learned helplessness. I’m not speaking death but being real. I’ve been harnessed and electrocuted. I’ve been hurt. The pain is real and I flinch at the smallest things sometimes. I see faith, I see hope, I see joy but they seem so out of reach. But I choose to say, “You are God.” You are a good Father despite it all. Give me willingness. Holy Spirit breath and birth in me willingness. Send me those who are willing who can walk with me, side by side. Father show me your willingness. Jesus reveal Yourself to me. Show me where you have been throughout my life. Show me that you’ve been with me in this box all along. Apply Your salve. Apply your oil. Heal my soul. Heal my body. Give me back a voice. Give me back my ability of choice. Make my will free again. Father, I ask You to lift off all crushing and shame that’s on my spirit. Lift off rejection from my soul. Release all demonically inspires lies and harassment. Remove the talons of the enemy from my mind. Father, give my soul perspective that in the midst of stress I can choose peace. In the midst of heartache and despair I can walk to the other side of the box and have joy. In the midst of this dark night of the soul I want a bright day of the spirit. Thank you Father for being my Father.

For the spirit:

Soul I recognize the frustration, pain, hurt, and trepidation that you have been experiencing. But, if I may, ask you to step aside for a brief moment. This is not rejection. I am just applying something to the spirit that will assist you along the path of healing. Spirit of _____ I call you to attention in the name of Jesus Christ. Spirit, I understand if you may be distant and afraid to come fully forward and I understand that and I acknowledge your right to feelings of safety. Please stay present throughout this blessing. Spirit if you are fully forward than great. Receive the word of God for you today in Philippians 2:13 , “For it is [not your strength, but it is] God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure. Spirit God has and is giving you willingness to jump to the other side of the box. Where the soul has learned helplessness, spirit you have learned willingness. You are designed to lead, guide, and bring into alignment the soul with the Kingdom and to take all of life’s woes with a more than conqueror mindset. You have the ability to help the soul get free. And spirit only you and the Holy Spirit knows the things of man. The soul does not. I bless you spirit with going to mind and setting things right. Where stress has taken over and damaged the brain, you spirit have the ability to repair. You, spirit, are the sustaining force that God created the whole of man to have. You, along with the Holy Spirit sustain man. Spirit go to the face of the Father and receive instruction, insight, revelation, power, and authority to set things right. Joy, Peace, Love, Faith, Hope are all your forte. It’s who you are. You are created and creative light made from the same substance as God. You are created in His image according to His likeness. You have what it takes. I bless you spirit in the name of Jesus Christ.

I hope and pray that this has helped and will help. Please like, comment, share, re-blog if this has helped or you know someone who may need to read this.  Each one of our lives is unique and is never pre-packaged. What works for one person won’t work for the other. Because our Learned Helplessness is unique so will our healing be unique.

 

God Is With Us

immanual

And His Name shall be called Immanuel. God is with us!

The incarnation is the single most beautiful and inviting thing to have ever happened in all of history. That the God who we kept distant, broke through our preconceived notions and obliterated our false views of Himself. We denied Him access to ourselves yet came inviting us to Himself.

He came wrapped in humanity as a faithful High Priest. In order to present us spotless, blameless and without reproach. He wrapped Himself in what was our fall in order to raise us up together where we first came from. In Him was LIFE and that LIFE was the LIGHT of men. He came running like a Father of long lost sons. Running to embrace everything unembraceable. He came to restore back the DNA of our Father. He included us in His relationship with Father and Holy Spirit. He welcomed us inside the beauty of the Trinity. He made us one with Him just like He is One with the Father.

He prepares a table of delicacies for us. He cooks for us. He serves us. He washes our feet. His anger rises against our enemies. They scatter. He plows our soil for His seed. He waters it. He gives the increase.

He joins Humanity with Divinity for Eternity. Never to be separated again. He came to set the record straight about Who He really is. He came to ransom us out of the enemy’s hand…and accomplished it. He came with God’s blood in order to pour in out on our behalf.

He came and invited us to His perichoresis. He became like us to we could become like Him. He came to never leave our side. He came and submitted Himself to us. God became flesh and walk with us. He traveled our roads and experienced our experiences. He hugged us. He kissed us. God loved us when we hated Him. He allowed our rejection of Him only to find Him on the other end waiting.

God is with us through the thick and thin. Never to leave or forsake. Forever entwined. His Glory, a cocoon of Himself in process of transfiguring us, metamorphosis. He came to that which was birthed out of Him. His own creation spitting at Him and reviling He who made them. Yet He embraced them by submitting to their way of death. He laid His life down by our hands. He exposed the principalities and powers making an open show of them. We cursed, He blessed. We lunged at Him, He didn’t move. We accused, He didn’t defend. God with us. God in us. God for us. God exists. God is here for you to experience in all His fullness. He came to rend a veil. Not only for our access of Him but His access to us.

He came to reconcile. He came to forgive. He came to set the prisoners free. He came to destroy religion. He came to reveal our Father.

 

“That is the best picture of what the incarnation means when we look at in its true context. For that is what happened in Jesus Christ from his birth to his resurrection. The Son of God entered into our broken, Fallen, alienated human existence. He took upon himself our fallen flesh. He stood in Adam’s shoes, in Israel’s shoes, in our shoes, and he steadfastly refused to be Adam, He refused to be Israel. He refused to be what we are.”
― C. Baxter Kruger, The Great Dance: The Christian Vision Revisited

 

 

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Do you feel crippled and in hiding like Mephibosheth?

mephibosheth

2 Samuel 9  (NASB)

Then David said, “Is there yet anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” Now there was a servant of the house of Saul whose name was Ziba, and they called him to David; and the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” And he said, “I am your servant.” The king said, “Is there not yet anyone of the house of Saul to whom I may show the kindness of God?” And Ziba said to the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan who is crippled in both feet.” So the king said to him, “Where is he?” And Ziba said to the king, “Behold, he is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel in Lo-debar.” Then King David sent and brought him from the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, from Lo-debar. Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan the son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and prostrated himself. And David said, “Mephibosheth.” And he said, “Here is your servant!” David said to him, “Do not fear, for I will surely show kindness to you for the sake of your father Jonathan, and will restore to you all the land of your grandfather Saul; and you shall eat at my table regularly.” Again he prostrated himself and said, “What is your servant, that you should regard a dead dog like me?”

Then the king called Saul’s servant Ziba and said to him, “All that belonged to Saul and to all his house I have given to your master’s grandson. 10 You and your sons and your servants shall cultivate the land for him, and you shall bring in the produce so that your master’s grandson may have food; nevertheless Mephibosheth your master’s grandson shall eat at my table regularly.” Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants. 11 Then Ziba said to the king, “According to all that my lord the king commands his servant so your servant will do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table as one of the king’s sons. 12 Mephibosheth had a young son whose name was Mica. And all who lived in the house of Ziba were servants to Mephibosheth. 13 So Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, for he ate at the king’s table regularly. Now he was lame in both feet.

Yesterday during worship at church I was reminded by the Lord the story of Mephibosheth. How often I have felt like him. Crippled, helpless, subject to the care and needs of others(I’m not disabled). How he must have feared when Saul died because it was common for new kings to kill all direct descendants of the previous king. He ran, had to have help to run, from the new King David. Feared for his life in his crippled state. Defenseless. Broken.

For too long I was like the old Mephibosheth. Crippled by shame and addiction. Fearing the previous king(the enemy). But the new King came looking. He came looking for me. He sought me. He found me crippled and lame with shame, hurt, addiction, and with a false view of Him.

And He place me at His table! He prepared it for me! He cooked for me! He washed me feet…He washed my lameness away. He wiped and collected my tears. I became the new Mephibosheth. I place to eat at the King’s table forever. The King mephiboshethed me. Mephibosheth in Hebrew means exterminating the idol. He, my King, exterminated my idols. They fell to the King. He destroyed them.

When I was feeling this overwhelming love pursuit. I wanted to get on the mic and share with the congregation but I am microphone shy or more like freaked out (I know I am called to speak). The overwhelming love of the Father. How He searches us out. The Hound of Heaven as He has been described as.

WHO? WHO CAN I SHOW MERCY TO? That is who my God is! He searches for who He can show mercy to. Do you hear Him pleading? If not, then hear Him pleading through me…come out and let Him show you mercy! He wants you! He loves you with an everlasting love. He is not worried about your crippling or wounding or shame or even your anger with Him. He is looking for you and begging be reconciled! He loves you and He sees you….and He is running after to meet you in your mess with a robe and ring….with a huge feast prepared! YUM!!!! Have your fill!!!!

 

Why A Father?

Have you ever wondered why God chose to reveal Himself as a Father? Have you? I never thought of this until listening to Wm. Paul Young (author of The Shack, Cross Roads) speak about it and after reading and listening to John Eldredge from Ransomed Heart speak and write about it.

Here are several links to why:

http://germaneconsulting.com/elephant-lessons-real-men-leading-boys-to-manhood/

http://fatherhoodfactor.com/us-fatherless-statistics/

http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/

We need fathers! Physical and Spiritual! Paul wrote about it as well..1 Corinthians 4:15. Everyone wants to teach but no one wants to take the time to father. A father is involved and doesn’t just spit out knowledge and leave you to figure it out. He is THERE for  you. A father leads and guides…shows you the Way in which you should go (Prov. 22:6) But if you look at the Church there are many teachers… I need a father. My earthly father did what he could with what he had and his father as well.

The wound of a father cuts the deepest. For me I can recognize, these days, the story that is behind my father. I know him and forgive him but I have been wounded. I craved validation and approval. I didn’t always get it. Especially a little over a year ago.

I was engaged to my now beautiful wife and there was some miscommunication/gossip/triangulation (see my blog He Said She Said) and it caused speculation and the appearance of a wounding. But the case wasn’t so. You know the whole Telephone/Grapevine game. The original message gets distorted usually by the next person. Soooo I said all that to say this…he didn’t want me to get married. He said he wanted to make sure I was sure but it got out hand. He invalidated my choice and because it was one of the most important decisions in my life he was invalidating me. It was rough…and still is some days. I literally have a sinking feeling in my gut for a couple weeks. I needed his validation but didn’t get it.

I also have tried to connect with older men and nothing…absolutely nothing. Empty promises and fakeness. What does a young man who needs a father/mentor do when no one wants to do it? I know many others in the same shoes as I. And it doesn’t matter your age. Fatherlessness is way to prevalent in society hence the statistics above. But God!

God came as Father. THE FATHER! A Father who wants to be with you. A Father you not only loves you but likes you. A Father who is here to validate you as a man. A Father that WILL be a Father to you. He knew the void and He filled/fills/will fill it. You can walk as a son fully loved and validated and accepted and…approved of. Don’t you just want to hear God say over you, right now, “Behold my son in who I am well pleased.” Do you realize God the Father spoke that over Jesus…and he didn’t do one thing yet. He was pleasing because of who He is and not what He did. And guess what…you are in Jesus and Jesus is in you. The Father’s pleasure is on you right now regardless if you just slipped and viewed porn or yelled at your kids or smoked a joint or whatever issue you may be recovering from. His view of you has and will never changed.

One of the things God the Father has shown me, in the middle of sin, is that He loves me so much. One day while driving home I was grieving over my sin and shame and told/asked God, “You must be tired of me.” Immediately my Father spoke into me, “I neither slumber nor sleep!” It was like a boom in me. An explosion of connectedness. He isn’t tired of me. He isn’t fed up with me. He is not ashamed of me (Heb. 2:11). He is love…He doesn’t have love He is the stuff.

God has not abandoned you! I say it again..God your Father has not and will not abandon you. Your sonship and His fathership is attacked and the enemy doesn’t want it…but God has and will break through. Can’t you hear Him right now speaking validation and honor or you? I know you want to be honored and He is honoring you right now. I see new robes He is placing on you right now (Zech. 3:3-5) He is not fed up with you. He is not tired of you. You do not drive Him up a wall. You do not get on His last nerve. You do not press His buttons. Come back to His heart…it’s where you belong and where you find yourself. He has a ring and a new robe and is throwing a party for you! You are the center of His attention and He is fathering you right now. Will you let Him be that Father? Your future depends on it. Let Him come into that invalidation and validate. Let Him enter the disapproval and heal it. Let Him heal your wounded heart with His love and satisfaction in you as a man and son of His love.

Let your initiation in manhood begin…!!!

Please watch this video…it’s amazing! Be blessed men of God! You are God’s son and He loves you with everything He is!

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