Matthew 4:19 says
Come, follow Me…
Do you ever feel stagnant in life? How about in your walk with the Lord? I do….right now.
It’s funny how we lose what we have gain sometimes. You look to the horizon and see the light…then we realize we are facing west and the light is going away. And we wait for another dark night of the soul as they say. Why? Why do we lose what we gain? Sometime I think it is because we stop following. We set up shop and stay put. It’s interesting that Jesus said, “Follow Me.” How many actually follow? There is a dynamic aspect to our walk with God. There’s another term we use often yet never think about. Our walk with God.
There’s another interesting thing Jesus said is in John 5:17
My Father is working until this hour, and I am also working.
We need to be active in our life with God. Proactive. Interactive. Not passive or inert. It kinda goes back to the whole Inheritance or Entitlement thing. Are we active participators in with Jesus or are we just along for the ride. If I’ve lost sight of the horizon maybe I should keep following the sun(son). Maybe I’ve seen the signposts and forgot about them and am looking for other ones. Maybe if I don’t hear “Left” or “Right” then I should keep going straight. On a side note, personal prophecy is God’s desire for you but it will only be fulfilled if our desire connects with it. Co-laboring with and in His promises.
So all of this ^^^^ above is what I was originally writing then I was like, “What am I even writing about?” I mean, I know what I was getting at but was I even picking up what I was putting down? Am I going to pose or be real? Am I going to do what I think others need to do? To be honest I’ve been really….discouraged. Kind of lost sight of the bigger picture as well as the smaller picture I would like to see myself in. It’s weird because several weeks back I was full of anticipation and joy. I saw a horizon I could reach.
I was really looking forward to this Waterboyz Wild at Heart Boot Camp this past weekend but during the weekend I just felt….indifferent. Not to say God didn’t speak to me, because He did. Also I don’t want to diminished how blessed I was to see many other men’s lives were changed. There were many great things that happened like 15 men being baptized in the Chesapeake Bay. Four father and son’s hearts were radically turned towards each other. These were amazing things and I shed many tears of joy for these awesome God moments.
What did He speak? I felt He told me, “Well done, son.” I wept. I also realized how many times I’ve spoken negatively over myself in regards to me being overweight or stupid or being an idiot. I took that “Yellow Passport” and wrote all the names I’ve spoken over myself and others have spoken over me. I threw that thing away. I was no longer my identity or destiny. It’s been a week and I still feel….well shitty. Forgive my language but it’s how I feel. Nothing has really changed externally. All my circumstance are the same as they were previous weeks ago. Maybe I picked up on some critters? Maybe I’ve been sensing someone else’s stuff? It does happen.
I guess dreaming long is key where I am at now. People say you need to press through. What does that even mean practically? “Press in” they say. What am I pressing and how do I press? And what may be on the other side? I’m not trying to be negative or have a pity party but process out loud so to speak.
You know it can be very easy to reach out for the imitation. There’s a quote by Bruce Marshall (not Chesterton) which is
…the young man who rings the bell at the brothel is unconsciously looking for God.
Now this is incredibly true in all aspects. I’m currently ringing that bell at food. I also ring it at adventurous activity. Of course the brothel is never, ever a good idea and that bell should never be rung. But is food bad? Or marital sex? Or adventure? Or anything clearly within God’s character? It’s all about focus. What am I focusing on? What is my intention? Where is my validation coming from? What or who am I giving power to be the report card on my life?
I often look how behind I am in life. I’m 31 and have a crappy car…super thankful for that car though. I’m in a career field that I’m good at but not passionate about. I want to be in ministry and being able to support a family with that but that seems extremely far-reaching. I feel lost and confused…if that is where I am validated. If my currency and current(cy) is determined by my following something temporal then I’m set up for disaster or heartache. I need to learn to enjoy where I am. Moment by every precious moment. I can enjoy my beautiful God-breathed marriage. I can enjoy actually having a job and being able to pay bills. I can enjoy my times when I can do adventures. I can look and see God’s total provision for my Nicaragua trip. I can choose to acknowledge but refuse invalidation from dealing with anxiety/panic stuff. I can live with having Asthma and allergies and bad teeth. I can see external facts but live in internal truths. I can agree with the process of an outworking salvation, a grasping for a future growth into a present reality, and I can live, with God, moment by moment because I am a much-loved child of God.
I have what it takes. I am noticed. My heart matters. My Father adores me.
You have what it takes. You are noticed. Your heart matters. Your Father adores you.
P.S. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t don’t feel dumb for this blog. It’s title has nothing really to do with the ending. I figured I will keep the title and the featured image.
The disciples belonged before they believed. – Bill Johnson